


And I might be okay (but I'm not fine at all)

by Band_obsessed



Series: Time-Bomb [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, M/M, Post-Divorce, Slight fluff, happy ending kind of...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3895408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Band_obsessed/pseuds/Band_obsessed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't that Phil was keeping Dan from seeing their daughter, it's just that he didn't know if he could handle seeing him for the first time in six months knowing they'd made a mistake by breaking it off.</p>
<p>OR:</p>
<p>Dan and Phil are divorced and have been for six months when Dan asks to see their daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I might be okay (but I'm not fine at all)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I haven't written in a-g-e-s and I really wanted to but I've been so busy with school and crap. But! I am off sick today so I figured I'd write a quick something (roughly 2k) to just get something out here. I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out and this is my first time writing parent!phan so please bear with me. Without further ado; Enjoy! xx

Phil loved Dan. He'd never really stopped, not even after the fights, the slamming doors, the divorce. He still fucking loved him and that was the issue at hand, literally at hand. He was holding his phone with a text from Dan asking to see their kid and, shit, Phil's life crashed down around him. He couldn't accept. He couldn't let Dan see him like this, this couldn't be the first thing he saw in six months. Him with tired eyes and a broken heart. But he had to. This wasn't about him. This was about Winnie, she had a right to see her other father, and Dan had a right to see his daughter. With trembling fingers and shaky breath, he typed out a curt response before standing and running a hand down his face, a dull ache in his chest.

***  
"Winnie! Come away from there, sweetie. We gotta get you ready to see daddy!" Phil called, feigning excitement, trying to keep his tone light and happy for her sake. She immediately stepped away from the recently switched off stove and ran over to Phil, a happy smile plastered onto her four year old face, curly brown hair tied in two plaits, hazel eyes sparkling. God, Phil thought, she looked so much like Dan, which, okay, wasn't all that surprising seeing as they used a surrogate and Dan gave the sperm, but it was still a stab in the heart to see the same curly brown hair, similar eyes, matching dimples and even attitude. His smile must have dropped as her index fingers were pressed into his cheeks in an attempt to bring his smile back, a few freckles dotted over her cheeks and nose. 

"Papa, you're sad." She stated matter-of-factly, pouting slightly before wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, face buried into his shoulder. Phil took a deep breath, pushed back the tears threatening to fall and forced a smile.

"No I'm not! But daddy will be if you're not ready to see him!" Phil said, scooping her up and running through the house with her, listening to her happy squeals before placing her down on the bed. Phil had arranged for Dan to take her to the park for the day and, if he's honest, he didn't want her to go. He remembered how empty the house had felt once Dan had taken his things, and without Winnie there with him he knew it would be almost unbearable. Shaking his head slightly, he walked over to her wardrobe and took out a light blue dress, remembering it as Dan's favourite, albeit that was six months ago. 

"When's daddy coming?" She asked excitedly as Phil was pulling the material over her head, helping her to wrestle her arms through the correct holes and then slip some flip flops onto her tiny feet. 

"Soon, baby." Phil replied, offering a small smile and ruffling her hair before taking it out of their plaits and brushing it down her back, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. He set aside the brush and looked at her from where he was crouched down by the bed, eyes stinging even more as he noted every single resemblance she had to Dan. Just as he thought he couldn't take it anymore, there was a knock at the door and Phil took the biggest breath he possible could before taking Winnie's hand and leading her to the door. With shaky hands he turned the handle and opened the door, only to be faced with a smiling Dan, crinkles by his eyes as he took in his daughter's appearance.

"Daddy!" She cried, throwing herself into his arms and grinning widely. 

"Hey, baby!" He cooed cheerfully, gently tickling under her chin with his index finger, smile growing when she squealed with delight. Dan's eyes finally shifted to Phil's and Phil momentarily forgot how to breathe. His eyes were the same shade of brown as they were six months ago, his hair still in the same style, smile still the same, face still just as light and, fuck, Phil thought, it wasn't goddamn fair. It wasn't fair how he was breaking down inside, going out of his mind, while Dan looked happy and carefree, as if the past eleven years had never even happened. 

"Hi, Phil." Dan said, tone flat and Phil's heart dropped to his feet, a crushing pain in his chest as he registered Dan's lack of emotion. There was no 'how are you?" or 'are you sure you're okay with this?', just a simple hi as if he was bored with this and couldn't wait to get away. Fine then, Phil thought, two could play that game.

"Hi," he replied sharply and unhooked her coat from the peg, also handing him a couple ten pound notes which he took with a frown, "she likes chocolate ice-cream the best. But don't give her too much because then she gets too excited and won't sleep. She's allowed some toys, but not too many because her rooms nearly full and I don't know how many more things I can fit in there. She likes the swings, but don't push her too high or she'll get scared and the see-saw is alright but again, not too high. Don't let her on the monkey bars because she's not strong enough and she fell off last time and-"

"Phil!" Dan yelled suddenly, interrupting his rambling, "First off; I don't need any money. She's my daughter too, you don't have to pay me to look after her. And secondly I know how to take care of her. I've been gone six months. I don't think she's changed that much." 

"Okay. Umm… I guess that’s all then. Bye.” Phil sighed dejectedly, not sure what else to say and pressed a kiss to Winnie's cheek before stepping back into the hall, senses overwhelmed with Dan. 

"Bye, papa! I'll see you soon!" She replied back happily, waving to him from the doorway. Phil smiled and waved back, trying to not break down. 

"I'll have her back by five." Dan promised and just like that they were gone, the door shutting behind them and leaving Phil in an empty flat, toys strewn across the floor. With a sigh he bent down and started to pick up the mess that she'd made. He was tidying up behind the sofa when his fingers brushed something that definitely wasn't a toy. Frowning, he pulled it out and really wished he hadn't. It was a picture of him and Dan from 2015, smiles wide and genuine, arms wrapped around each other, Dan's eyes focused on Phil's laughing face, a look of fondness across his features and Phil broke down. Where the hell did they go wrong? How did they end up in this goddamn mess? When did the kisses goodnight turn into yelling? Phil pressed his hand to his mouth, muffling the noises he was making despite being alone. With a heavy heart and tears streaming down his cheeks, he took the photo and made his way into his room, placing it on his bedside table before pulling out one of Dan’s old hoodies that he’d managed to keep from the back of his wardrobe and slipping it on. Immediately he was engulfed in Dan, the scent of him still somehow remaining despite six months having passed, maybe it was his imagination. After taking out his contacts, he wiped his eyes with the sleeves of the hoodie and climbed under his covers, picking back up the photo and cradling it to his chest, he flicked off the light and let sleep carry him away. 

***  
“Phil? Phil?” He woke up to a whispered voice saying, a hand gently shaking his shoulder as he groggily opened his eyes. Everything was blurry without his glasses and he squinted to try and see more clearly, only able to make out a familiar figure looming above him.

“Huh? Wha-? It’s five o’clock already?” He asked, running a hand through his hair and frowning weakly, brain foggy from sleep. Phil fumbled around for his glasses and slipped them on quickly. Dan nodded and took in Phil’s outfit, looking at one of his own hoodies and a picture he couldn't quite see hugged to his chest. At that same moment, Phil realised what he was wearing and blushed crimson, quickly pulling the hoodie over his head, the action messing his hair up even more, before idly playing with it in his lap, unsure of what to do. 

“I- I kept it after.” Phil explained, not meeting Dan’s eyes, too embarrassed about the state he was in, tear stained cheeks, red eyes, mussed hair and to top it all off Dan’s hoodie. Great. “I- I can give it back if you want?” He offered, albeit a little reluctantly, fingers subconsciously clinging on tighter to the material. Dan stared before shaking his head, coughing to clear his throat.

“It’s fine. Keep it. I have plenty.” He said, noticing the way Phil’s shoulders sagged in relief, finally looking up to meet Dan’s eyes and Dan did a double take. He stared at his cheeks before taking in his red eyes and walked out the room soon after. Phil’s face crumpled once he had left, bare arms wrapping around his torso, trying to hold himself together. Was he that bad that Dan couldn't even stand to be around him? He felt fresh tears run down his cheeks as he flopped back onto the pillow, body racking with weak sobs. 

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s okay.” He heard Dan mutter and before he could so much as open his eyes, there was a wet cloth being pressed to his cheeks and calloused thumbs wiping away the fresh tears, glasses being pushed up onto his head. Phil sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and reached up to Dan, a fresh wave of tears hitting him when he was wrapped up tightly in a pair of arms, a crushing weight of sadness resting on his chest. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Phil hiccuped between sobs, not knowing what he was apologising for, or even why, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Dan pressed a gentle kiss to his neck before pulling back and running his thumb under his eyes once more. 

“Daddy, why is papa crying?” Came a small voice from the doorway and Phil immediately scrubbed a hand down his face, moving away from Dan and plastering a smile on his face.

“I’m not, baby. Where have you been, eh?” Phil asked, trying his best to keep his breathing even and voice light. Kids were surprisingly perceptive. 

“Asleep on the sofa. Daddy took me to the park and we got ice-cream. It was really fun!” She announced, smiling widely before walking over to the bed and crawling onto it. Phil smiled when she wrapped her small arms around him, gently patting his back.

“It’s gonna be okay, papa. Did you fall over? I cry when I fall over. Daddy says crying is what happens when you’re hurt.” She said, and Phil couldn't help but laugh breathily at that, his own arms wrapped tightly around her. 

“Yes, sweetie. I fell over.” He replied, knowing this would be a hell of a lot easier than going into depth about how he was still in love with her other dad despite it having been half a goddamn year since they broke it off. 

“Was daddy helping you? He helped me when I fell over at the park. I cried then as well but daddy kissed it better!” She said innocently, and Phil would've rushed to say something about the whole ‘helping’ thing but his mind was caught on the fact she’d fallen over.

“You fell over? Does it still hurt? Do you need a plaster?” Phil rushed out, and okay, maybe he was slightly over protective but this was his little girl.

“No silly. I’m all better. Daddy made it better,” she informed him before turning to Dan, “why don't you kiss papa better, too? I don't like it when he’s sad.” 

Phil stopped breathing momentarily before starting to stutter out something about being silly and of course daddy couldn't kiss it better when a pair of lips were pressed tenderly to his own and the words died on his tongue. The kiss was sweet and gentle, a simple three second thing, but it was enough to make Phil blush like a school girl and put a smile on his face but also make confusion settle into his head. 

“See! Daddy makes it all better!” Winnie said excitedly, jumping up and down on the bed and clapping her hands happily. Phil nodded in agreement, shifting on the bed slightly before shooting up when he realised he was sitting on the picture. There was no stopping Dan from seeing it now and he scanned over it before realising where it was from; a week after their engagement. With a small sigh, Dan picked it up and set it on the bedside table before taking both Phil’s hand and Winnie’s and leading them into the lounge. The first thing Phil noticed was the toys on the floor, or rather lack thereof, and Phil flashed Dan a small, almost timid smile. This was the most contact they'd had since the divorce. 

“Right. Since you fell over, Winnie, and papa’s sad, I was thinking we could watch a movie and order pizza because I don’t think any of us have eaten yet.” Dan announced, setting up the sofa with blankets and pillows before handing the remote to Winnie and letting her flick through. After many disagreements, they’d finally settled on ‘The Little Mermaid’ and started up the film while Phil finished up ordering the pizza. Around half an hour into the movie, Phil felt a hand slip into his and shot a look over at Dan who was keeping a straight face and staring intently at the TV screen. Phil smiled and wrapped his free arm around Winnie, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she hummed along to the songs playing on the TV. 

Phil wasn't okay, he wasn't sure if he would ever be fully fine again, and they still had a lot of talking to be done, but. as of right now, in the living room with his hand laced with Dan’s and his arm around his daughter, he realised he could be worse off.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I really hope it was okay! Comments and likes put a smile on my face. Btw, thank you so much for all the positive feedback on my past woks, it makes me ridiculously happy! Thanks again babes xx


End file.
